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he Bat Signal lit the sky over Gotham City. On a hill just outside the city limits, Batman said, “Quickly, Boytoy Wonder. To the Batmobile. We have to get to police headquarters.”

Dildo the Boytoy Wonder wiped his mouth and stood. “What’s going on?”

Batman sighed. Why hadn’t the sidekick temp agency sent him someone with brains to fill in while Robin was on his Hedo vacation? “The Bat Signal is lit,” he explained, hoping he sounded more patient than he felt. “Commissioner Gordon needs us.”

“Oh. Who’s Commissioner Gordon again?”

Batman squelched the urge to throttle the Boytoy Wonder. “Just get in the car.”

As the Batmobile raced through the streets of Gotham, Dildo’s hand crept over the center console to Batman’s thigh. Batman knocked it away. “Not now. We have a crime to solve.”

“But we didn’t finish what we were doing,” Dildo whined.

“Later, Boytoy Wonder.” The young man definitely lived up to his name, Batman reflected. 

The Batmobile stopped in front of Gotham’s police headquarters, and Batman leapt out of the car. Dildo’s cape caught on the door, causing him to fall flat on his face. Batman rolled his eyes. “Get up and come on.”

“Sidekick training school never mentioned leaping out of cars,” Dildo muttered.

The Dynamic Duo were ushered into the chief’s office, where Commissioner Gordon paced in front of a map full of pushpins. “Each of these pins represents a heinous crime,” he intoned. “Young, sexy women have been found in each location, with… oh, it’s almost too horrible to mention.”

“Were they murdered?” Batman queried.

“Worse,” the Commissioner replied. “They were masturbating!”

“Nothing wrong with a little self-relief,” Dildo commented. 

“Perhaps not,” the Commissioner said. “Bu Continue reading →